


Saying Goodbye

by Alyssa_85



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Real Person Fiction
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Arguing, Arguments, Cheating, Dysfunctional Relationships, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hate, Hurt, M/M, Physical Abuse, Sad, YouTubers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2015-07-27
Packaged: 2018-04-11 11:42:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4434203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alyssa_85/pseuds/Alyssa_85
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TRIGGER WARNINGS: PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE. </p><p>Like every relationship, platonic or not, there's going to be bumps in the road. Dan and Phil's life together was perfect, so when Dan changed drastically Phil wasn't expecting it. Phil never bargained for anything Dan threw his way, but he had to keep the promise he'd made. Will Dan push Phil too far? Or, the one where Dan is kind of abusive, and Phil is losing his grip on the real Dan.</p><p>Warning: This will be sad. Like most of my fics. I would say I'm sorry, but I'm not. Enjoy!!</p><p>This is just a small (or not so) project while I'm trying to re-write the second chapter of 'Kiss Me Under The Moonlight', check it, and the rest of my stories out? Thanks!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saying Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Side note: I KNOW DAN IS NOT LIKE THIS. I KNOW DAN IS ONE OF THE SWEETEST PEOPLE ON EARTH, THIS IS ABSOLUTE FICTION. DO NOT ROMANTICISE ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS. THIS IS NOT ROMANTICISED.

** March 15th **

Phil sat back on his bed lazily scrolling through his Tumblr. Usually, this would be something that soothed him. Seeing all the crazy fanart, and sweet things from the fans was usually something Phil would enjoy, but not this time. This time all the fanart he'd scroll past of him and Dan just made him angry. It made him angry how his friendship with Dan had been on the rocks for the past few months.

Phil wasn't really sure what Dan's problem was, they'd been shipped together since the very first video together, it was nothing new. Phil violently slammed the lid to hi laptop shut and shoved it to the side. He'd never admit it to Dan, but he wanted his best friend back.

"Phil, can you come here for a second?" Dan called from the kitchen.

Phil groaned, running his fingers through his messy, black hair, then pushed himself from his bed. He padded toward the kitchen, where he presumed Dan would be waiting with a frown plastered across his face. He was right, obviously. Dan's arms were folded over his chest, and his face was contorted into a frown.

"What do you call this?" He asked, stepping aside and pointing to a bowl on the counter.

"A bowl."

"Very funny. What's it doing there?"

"I put it there. For you."

"To what, wash up? Put in the dishwasher? Why the fuck can't you do that shit yourself?"

Phil rolled his eyes. "It's clean."

"What?"

"The bowl. It's clean. I got it out for you to use for breakfast. I won't bother next time."

"Why would you do that?"

"I got out a bowl for my own breakfast and thought I'd be a nice roommate and get you one out ready."

Dan flinched at the wording, 'roommate'? He knew he and Phil weren't getting along all that well, but was he really just a roommate to him?

"Well don't. I don't need your help. Just piss off."

"Seriously? Not even a fucking thanks? Unbelievable." Phil turned on his heel and stormed out, not noticing a tear running down Dan's cheek.

* * *

Dan wasn't sure why he was crying. He wasn't sure if it was out of frustration, anger or sadness. A lot had happened over such a short amount of months, and he'd be lying if he said the pressure wasn't getting to him. Everyone was asking so much from him, he could barely keep up. It was all 'Dan do this', 'Dan we need a new video', 'Dan when is Phan coming out?'. The last one pissed him off the most. Dan thought it was lucky that he hadn't just broken down. It was like University again, except it was something he loved. Something he loved was being tainted by being constantly overworked. He slammed the bowl down on the side, shattering it into pieces.

"Fuck!" He shouted, clutching at his bleeding hand.

* * *

Phil was sat on his bed when he heard the loud smash, followed by Dan shouting. He pushed himself up, then ran to the kitchen. Dan was sat at the table, kitchen towel wrapped around his hand.

"What happened?" Phil asked, glancing around at the broken shards of bowl on the floor and counter.

"Just fuck off," Dan stammered out.

"Dan." Phil stepped forwards and knelt down beside him. "What happened?"

Dan looked at him with teary eyes. "I'm sorry."

Phil gripped Dan's hand. "It's just a bowl, Dan. We can get more. You should clean your hand up though, before it gets infected."

"Not for the bowl. For everything. I've been an arsehole to you lately, and there's no excuse for it."

"Go clean your hand up, then we'll talk."

Dan nodded his head, then headed off to the bathroom where they kept the first aid kit.

* * *

"Phil?"

Phil looked up from his laptop at Dan in his bedroom doorway. "Everything okay?"

"Can we talk?"

"As long as it's only talking. I don't want to fight with you any more."

"I don't either."

Phil pushed his laptop to the side, then patted the bed behind him. "Sit."

Dan wiped the escaped tears from his cheek, and sat beside Phil, his back resting against the headboard. Phil was laying on his side, looking away from Dan. He couldn't hep but be reminded of the video he'd made with Phil regarding University. He grinned slightly at the memory.

"Is your hand okay?"

"It was nothing, so yeah."

"Good. I didn't really fancy a trip to A&E." Phil chuckled.

"Me either."

"We'll need to get some new bowls."

"We'll go tomorrow, we need a trip out of the house anyway."

"Yeah, I'm starting to feel trapped."

Dan nibbled his trembling bottom lip. He wasn't sure why Phil's words hurt him, they just did. When he got no response, Phil turned to lay on his back and look up at Dan.

"Dan, what's wrong?"

"You're trapped? No one's forcing you to be here," he snarled.

Phil chuckled lightly. "I didn't mean it like that, Dan. I just meant being stuck up in the same place day in-day out is tedious."

Dan shook his head. "No you didn't. I know, as well as you, that you meant being stuck with me is making you trapped."

Phil pushed himself up so he was sitting up against the head board. He tentatively rested his head on Dan's shoulder, and took Dan's hand in his own. When he was sure Dan wasn't going to pull away he began tracing circles over Dan's knuckles.

"Despite the arguments, I love being here with you, Daniel. I'm never happier than I am when we're together and getting along."

"Really?"

"Really. If I didn't, I would of left by now."

"I wouldn't blame you. You know, if you did leave."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Even though I treat you like shit half of the time?"

Phil squeezed Dan's hand. "We argue Dan, it happens to everyone. The only thing you could do to make me leave is actually physically hurt me, and I trust you'll never do that."

"Of course I wouldn't."

"I'll say it again. I'm not going anywhere."

"You promise?"

"I promise, Dan. I'm here to stay."

"Thank you, Phil."

* * *

**March 21st**

"Phil! Get your arse in here now!" Phil stood up from his spot on the sofa and headed into the kitchen where Dan had gone to make tea.

"Yeah?"

"I thought you'd gone to get milk?" He asked, glaring at Phil.

Phil scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "By your tone I'm assuming I forgot?"

Dan slammed a carton of milk on the counter. "Not only did you fucking forget, you just left the old milk in the fridge. How the fuck am I supposed to make tea with this crap? There's nothing in there!" Dan's fists were balled up at his sides.

"Chill out, Dan. I'll go get some now, just relax."

"Chill out? I'm so fucking sick you forgetting shit we need!"

"I'm sorry, okay? Can you please calm down?" Phil's voice wavered.

Dan's fist slammed against the counter, anger burning in his eyes. For the first time, Phil was scared. The once sweet man had turned into a ball of anger.

"Dan?"

Dan choked out a sob, gripping his hair in his fists and falling to the floor.

"I'll, uh- go get that milk and leave you to calm down."

"Phil?"

"Yeah?"

"Stay out for a while? Just, till later, go hang out with someone or something?"

Phil nodded. "Okay. Make sure you ice that hand. I'll be back in a few hours."

"Okay."

Phil walked away trying to hold back his tears. To him, Dan had sounded so defeated. Broken. Phil knew there was something more than forgotten milk causing Dan to act the way he did.

* * *

"Hey, Zac," Phil greeted down the phone.

_"Phil? How are you, man?"_

"I'm doing good, you?"

_"I'm good."_

"Good. Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to possibly hang out? I have a few hours to kill and I feel like we haven't seen each other for a while?"

_"I'd be delighted to. Where do you wanna meet?"_

"Starbucks?"

_"Sure, I'll be there in a few."_

Phil thanked him then hung up before shoving the phone back in his jeans pocket. With his head down, and his hands in his pockets he made his way to the large coffee shop.

* * *

Phil's head shot up at the sound of the Starbucks door opening.

"Phil, mate!" Zac greeted, giving Phil a one-armed hug. "No Dan?"

"Not today, he's not well."

"Oh that's a shame. It's weird seeing you without him, I feel like we haven't hung out just us in years."

"Yeah, it's strange."

* * *

"Thanks for calling, Phil. We should hang out again soon."

"Yeah, it was nice. See ya, Zac."

They hugged once before Phil started off in the direction of the closest bus stop. It had been four hours since Phil had left Dan alone, he was hoping Dan had calmed himself and wouldn't start yelling the minute he walked through the door. He picked up milk from the corner shop then headed towards his apartment building.

"I'm home!" Phil called as he closed the front door.

"Phil!" Dan yelled, launching himself at Phil, who dropped the milk to catch him in his arms. "I'm so fucking sorry." Dan said into Phil's hair, his face nuzzled deep, his legs wrapped around Phil's waist.

"How did you jump this high on me?" Phil asked, chuckling. "We haven't hugged like this for so long," he added as an afterthought, tightening his grip on the brunette.

"Lots of practice."

* * *

"You scared me today, Dan," Phil admitted once he and Dan had settled down on the sofa cups of tea in hand.

"I know. I could see it in your eyes. It killed me that I made you look like that, and over milk no less."

"Thank you though."

"What for?"

"Not hitting me."

"Phil," Dan choked out, putting his mug on the coffee table. "You shouldn't have to thank me for hitting you. It shouldn't even gone through your mind that I would."

"But it did," Phil replied, his voice breaking.

"This isn't right. We're not right. I shouldn't scare you, Phil. No friend should scare another friend. Not the way I scared you today."

"I made a promise and I intend to keep it." Phil grabbed Dan's hands. "I'm not going anywhere."

Dan buried his face into Phil's chest. "If I ever get so angry I actually harm you, please just leave. No matter how much I try to make you stay, you have to promise you'll leave me."

"Dan, you say that like you're scared of yourself."

Dan looked straight into Phil's watery eyes. "Something's not right with me, Phil. You know it, I know it."

"You're just stressed, Dan. Maybe you should take a few weeks to relax and get your energy back?"

Dan sighed, running his fingers through his curly hair, and turning to look out of the window. "I can't. I have too much that needs doing."

Phil placed his hand on Dan's cheek, forcing him to look at him. "I'm worried about you, Dan. You've not been yourself, please take some time for yourself. Go on holiday or something."

"I can't afford to just go on holiday, Phil."

"Yes you can. Speak to anyone you need to, then go. Take some time off, find yourself again. It's you and Uni all over again, and seeing you like that before killed me. I don't want to see you like that again."

"It's not as easy as that."

"Just like Uni, yes it is. It's as easy as just going. I'm sure any of the projects you're doing can be held off for a week or two?"

Dan sighed, dropping his gaze to his lap. "Come with me?"

"I can't. You need time away from me, Dan."

"I can't go without you. No, I won't go without you."

"Please? I'll be right here when you get back."

"Do you promise?"

"I promise. Just think of it like the start of our friendship, we're going to be far apart but it changes nothing. It will never change, Dan. I'll always be right here waiting for you to come home."

"Your house wasn't home for me when we were younger."

"Maybe not, but the way I see it, we were home for each other. Home is wherever you are."

Dan's lips quirked into a smile. "Home is wherever you are," Dan repeated. "Where should I go?"

"Wherever you want."

* * *

**March 24th**

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" Dan asked, clutching his suitcase behind him.

"I want you to do this, Dan. Go. Have fun."

"I'll see you in a few weeks."

"Missing you already."

"Bye, Philly."

"Bye, Dan."

The men hugged tightly, Dan's hands screwing Phil's shirt between his fists.

"I'll Skype you, okay?"

"Like the olden days?"

"Yes, except better."

"Why's it better?" Phil asked, as Dan pulled away.

"Because I know that once my holiday is over, I'll be coming home. To you."

"You act like we've never been apart."

Dan pulled Phil back against his chest. "We've been apart for way too long."

Phil chuckled. "We live together."

"Just a couple of hours is too long," Dan mumbled into Phil's shoulder.

"You're going to miss your flight."

"I love you."

"I love you too, man. See you soon."

* * *

** March 27th **

Phil lay back on his bed, staring up at his ceiling waiting for the Skype call sound to ring. He'd been waiting for Dan to call all day. He couldn't wait to tell Dan about the past few days, and he couldn't wait to see Dan and hear all about his past few days.

Phil was drifting off to sleep when Skype started making the call noises. Phil sat up fast, and clicked answer, Dan's smiley face popped up on the screen.

 _"Hey, you,"_  Dan greeted, grinning.

"Hey. You look happy."

_"I'm only happy because I can speak to you now. How are you?"_

"Better now," Phil replied.

Phil set his laptop down on the bed, then laid down on his front, his head resting in his hands.

 _"This brings back memories,"_  Dan said, nibbling his bottom lip.

"I know. It feels like just yesterday we were having our first, completely awkward, Skype chat."

 _"I was so nervous."_  Dan's cheeks flushed red.

"I was too."

_"I miss you."_

"I miss you more."

_"I feel we had this argument a lot back in those days."_

"We did. Almost every single night."

Dan chuckled, but then his face dropped, and his eyes welled with tears.  _"Everything was so much easier back then. The only thing I had to worry about was the next time I was going to be able to see you in person."_  Dan rolled his eyes, trying to push the tears away.

"Dan, please don't cry. Everything is going to be okay. I promise."

_"How can you promise me that?"_

"Dan, listen to me. I promise everything is going to be okay. You're going to be okay, I'm going to be okay, we're going to be okay."

Dan sighed.  _"I hope you're right."_

"When am I not right," Phil joked, trying to lighten the mood.

_"Never. You're always right, Philly."_

"Too right I am. Anyway, what have you been up to?"

_"Well, it's been raining since I first got here, so nothing really. I mean, I went swimming yesterday, but that's about the only fun thing I've done. Being alone on holiday isn't all that fun. What about you?"_

"Nothing. I can safely say I've done nothing since you've been gone." Phil was lying. Since Dan had been gone he'd basically spent the time hanging out with friends he didn't see much because of Dan's strange dislike for them.

 _"I miss you,"_  Dan said for the second time.

"I miss you too."

_"What time is it there?"_

Phil's eyes flickered to the time on his desktop. "3am."

_"You should get some sleep."_

"We had Skype chats till six in the morning sometimes, I can handle it."

_"It's late there, Phil. You need to sleep. I'll text you, okay?"_

"Will you though?"

_"Yes. Log off, we can text till you're asleep."_

"How about, you read me a story?"

_"Excuse me?"_

"I used to read you stories over Skype when you had trouble sleeping. It was childish, but it worked."

Dan smiled, looking down a dark blush creeping over his cheeks.  _"You remember that?"_

"Of course I do. How could I forget?"

_"I just thought it'd be one of those easily forgettable things."_

"They're some of my most treasured memories."

_"I love you."_

"I love you too."

_"Now, lay down, put the laptop on your bedside table and I'll read you to sleep."_

Phil cleared his bedside table off, and pushed his laptop on top. He then turned the lights out and got under his covers.

_"Ready?"_

"Ready."

Phil's eyes fluttered shut as Dan started making a story up on the spot.

"I miss you," Phil whispered, as Dan finished his story.

_"I miss you too. Goodnight, Phil."_

"Night, Dan."

Dan blew Phil a kiss, which he returned (although neither knew the other saw), then he stopped the call. Phil stretched his arm out, and pushed the lid closed.

"I love you, Dan," he whispered to himself as he drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

** April 8th **

_"I'm coming home tomorrow,"_  Dan said, grinning at Phil through the camera.

"I know. I'm so excited."

_"Even though we've spoke basically everyday I still miss you like crazy."_

"And I you."

_"Well, I should get some sleep, I have an early flight."_

"Sleep well, Dan."

_"I'll see you soon."_

"Can't wait. What time do you think you'll be at the house by?"

_"I'm not sure. My flight's scheduled to arrive in London at midday."_

"Okay. See you soon."

_"I love you."_

"I love you too."

Phil signed out of Skype, and lay back against his bed. Since Dan had left, he was realising a few things. Like the fact he was in love with Dan. There was no questioning it. Being apart from him had been killing Phil.

* * *

**April 9th**

Phil stood in the airport, a large sign in hand. It was nearing midday, meaning it was nearing the time he'd see Dan's face emerge through the crowds.

It was 12:30 when he finally saw Dan's tall figure walking towards him. Dan's eyes looked over him for a second. Phil had thought Dan couldn't see him, despite the large sign with his name on, but Dan's head flicked back to Phil. A large grin spread across his face, and he started sprinting towards Phil, knowing what was coming, Phil put his sign down and held his arms out. When Dan was a few metres from Phil, he let go of it, then launched himself at Phil. Phil span his around, his arms wrapped protectively around Dan's waist.

"What are you doing here?" Dan panted once Phil had placed him back on his feet.

"I wanted to surprise you."

"I'm most definitely surprised."

"Are you happy though?"

Dan finally detached himself from Phil. "That you're here, or in general?"

"Both." Phil paced forward, gripped Dan's suitcase in his hand.

Dan ran his fingers through his hair, clearly deep in thought. "Yeah. I am."

"Good," Phil ruffled his hair causing Dan to whine and slap his hands away. "Let's go home."

* * *

"You made lunch?" Dan grinned, sitting down at the table where Phi had just dished out plates full of food.

"Well I thought after a long plane journey you'd like something actually edible."

"I definitely do. Thank you so much."

"So, tell me about your holiday?" Phil rested his head on his hands, smiling at the brunette opposite him.

"It was great, thank you for making me go. I haven't felt so relaxed in a long time."

"I'm glad."

* * *

** April 10th **

Phil stirred the stir-fry, while Dan sat at the breakfast bar, making silly jokes -and totally not staring at his best friend's butt-.

"Hey, Phil?"

Phil rolled his eyes playfully. "Yes, Dan?"

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the toilet?"

"I don't know, why?"

"Because the 'P' is silent," he said, giggling like a child.

"You're terrible," Phil replied, chuckling lightly.

"But you love me."

Phil was glad he was facing away from Dan as his cheeks went the colour of tomatoes. "Oh, absolutely."

Dan's arms wrapped around Phil's waist, and his chin rested on Phil's shoulder. "I love you too," he whispered, causing Phil to shiver involuntarily.

"Don't do that, you know how much I hate that."

"Is dinner ready yet?" Dan asked, pulling away.

"Just about."

* * *

**April 15th**

For days Phil had felt like Dan was flirting with him. With extra touches here, and too close for comfort cuddles there. Dan hadn't been so touchy-feely since the men had met, and Phil would be lying if he said he didn't love it. He'd be lying if he said he didn't like the impromptu compliments and hugs from behind as he cooked. He was planning on asking Dan exactly what he was doing, but he was scared. He was scared that he'd say something wrong and Dan would change again.

"Everything alright, Philly?"

"Huh?"

"You're spaced out."

"Oh sorry."

"It's nothing to apologise for, it's you that's missing out. We are watching your favourite film after all."

"We can turn it off if you like."

"Why would we do that? I love this film too."

"I'll rephrase that, can you please turn it off? I need to talk to you about something."

Dan narrowed his eyes. "Sounds important."

"It is and it isn't."

Dan clicked the off button on the remote, then turned his body to face Phil. "What's wrong?"

Phil fluffed his hair, nervously. "What are we?"

"Uh- friends?"

"Is that all?"

"Best friends?"

Phil chuckled. "Have you been flirting with me?"

Dan's eyes widened, his cheeks fiery red. He giggled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Please be honest with me."

"Yes," Dan mumbled, his eyes locked on his crossed legs.

Phil took Dan's chin in his finger and forced him to look up at him. "Why?"

"It all started whilst I was on holiday. I'm sorry, Phil."

"What happened?"

"I began to have feelings for you. I shouldn't of flirt-" Phil cut him off by tentatively connecting their lips. It was a short, sweet, and slightly awkward, but magical nonetheless. When they pulled apart, they rested their foreheads together, staring into each others eyes.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Philly."

* * *

 

** May 17th **

For Phil, the first month of his relationship with Dan was beyond amazing. For Dan however, it was awful. He felt constantly self-concious when making videos with Phil. They'd agreed not to tell the fans about their relationship, so when they made videos Dan was terrified that it was just blatantly obvious. It wasn't. They did nothing different, but that didn't stop the thought running through Dan's head.

Dan scrolled through his Tumblr tag, grinning at the posts his fans had made. Until his eye caught a picture. It was one of him a Phil the day before. Phil had reached across the table for his hand and someone had snapped a picture right at that moment.

"Fuck!" Dan yelled, shoving his laptop to the side.

"What's wrong?" Phil asked, rushing into his room.

"Someone saw you hold my hand yesterday."

Phil's face dropped. "Is that it? It's no big deal."

"No big deal? Fucking hell, Phil, you're so naive. Of course it's a big deal. Someone saw you hold my fucking hand. How are we supposed to put that off as a misunderstanding?"

Phil wrung his hands together. "Maybe we could tell them the truth? It's not like they don't already suspect it."

"You know I'm not ready for that," Dan growled standing up from his bed, and stalking towards Phil.

"C'mon, Dan. Stop being silly. It's not like our fans will even care."

"What part of I'm not ready don't you fucking understand?"

Phil rolled his eyes. "You're so... ugh."

"So what, Phil?"

"Childish. Annoying. Immature."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah, it is."

"Maybe you should just break up with me then?"

Phil blinked slowly, and took a deep breath. "I'm going out. Don't wait up."

"Wasn't planning on it."

Phil turned on his heel, then stormed off out into the night.

* * *

"Phil? What's wrong?" Zac asked the minute he saw Phil's tear stricken face. Phil threw his arms around his friends' neck, hugging him tight.

"It's- It's Dan," he stuttered out, pulling away from Zac.

"What's he done?"

"Frustrating."

"That didn't really answer my question. Look, come in, we'll talk over tea."

* * *

"So, what happened?"

Phil told Zac the story, not leaving out any details. He sipped his tea between each breath, hoping he wouldn't break down into tears.

"I love you, man, but I kinda get what Dan means. He's not ready, Phil. You can't force someone out of the closet, it's not fair on them."

"But, I'm sick of hiding it."

"Put it this way, if he said he wasn't ready for sex, would you force him into it?"

Phil wrung his hands together. "No..."

"Exactly. It's essentially the same thing. You need to give Dan time to be ready for the big step of outing yourselves. You can't just force him into it."

Phil sighed. "Fuck. I didn't even give that a thought. I'm an awful person."

"No you're not, Phil. Although I agree, and understand, Dan's point of view on this, I also know it's going to be hard for you. I know you're going to struggle with keeping it a secret, but you know what?"

"What?"

"It'll be worth it. One day, when Dan's ready, you guys can tell the world, and it'll be magical."

"Thanks, Zac."

"You need to go and talk to Dan."

"Can I do it tomorrow? I want to give him a real chance to cool off."

"Sure. Want to stay here?"

"Would you mind?"

"Of course not. But, Phil?"

"Yeah?"

"You would tell me if there was something else going on between you and Dan, right?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like, if he was you know, hurting you?"

Phil looked uncomfortably at the floor, he hadn't told Zac about the time he'd thought Dan was actually going to hit him, it was their secret. He didn't feel like he had to tell anyone, Dan hadn't done it. He'd hit the counter top.

"Phil?"

"No. He's not. I swear, everything's fine."

"You would tell me though?"

Phil smiled. "Of course I would."

"Good. Well, 'night, Phil."

"Night."

* * *

**May 18th**

"Thanks for letting me stay, Zac."

"No problem. You're always welcome."

"Well, I should get home. Dan should be okay now. I'll call you later?"

"Sure. See ya."

Phil hugged Zac goodbye then headed out.

* * *

Phil walked into his and Dan's apartment, listening out for any movement or signs that Dan was up.

"Dan?" He called, knocking lightly on his door.

"In here," Dan replied, from Phil's room. Phil pushed his door open. Dan was sat on the bed, wrapped in Phil's colourful duvet, looking sad as ever.

"Hey," Phil said, standing awkwardly in the doorway.

"Hi."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said, I was angry at you and said things that weren't true."

"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't of got so angry, it wasn't your fault."

"We don't have to come out 'till you're ready, okay?"

"Thank you. What made you change your mind?"

"Zac compared it to sex. Made me see the light."

"How did he do that?"

"He just asked me if you said you weren't ready for sex, would I force you into it, and obviously I wouldn't."

"Good to know." Dan chuckled lightly. "Come cuddle with me?"

"Don't want anything more in the world."

* * *

"What do you want for lunch?" Phil asked, as Dan snuggled further into him.

"I'm not hungry."

"You need to eat, Dan. I'll make, or order, anything you want."

"Fine, we'll have lunch in bed, and I'll help make it."

"You're going to help me make food?"

"Don't I always?"

"You just get in the way," Phil joked, poking Dan's side.

"Don't be mean, you love it when I help in the kitchen."

"No I don't, I hate it."

"I'd shut up if I were you."

Phil tensed. "Why?"

"Or I'll do something you won't like." Dan's voice was void of emotion as he spoke.

"What's that?"

"This!" Dan shouted as he began attacked Phil's sides with his fingers, causing Phil to scream and laugh.

"Dan! Dan! Stop, oh my God stop!" He breathed out between laughs.

"You going to let me help?" He raised an eyebrow at his boyfriend.

"Yes! Just stop tickling me!"

Dan stopped his fingers, and wrapped his arms around Phil. "That's better. Let's go make us some lunch."

* * *

**May 24th**

"I don't know what to say," Phil said, twiddling his thumbs and looking up at Dan like a child in trouble.

"How about that you're sorry?"

"I don't know what I'm apologising for though," he said, his voice low.

"How the fuck do you know realise what you've done?"

"You just started shouting at me, I'm not a mind reader, Dan. You actually have to tell me why you're angry at me this time."

"You're fucking useless, Phil. I asked you to do one thing, and you just completely ignored me."

"What?"

Dan turned around to point at the washing up behind him. "I asked you to put these in the dishwasher, not leave them on the fucking side for me to do."

"I forgot, I'm sorry."

"How could you forget? I asked you like an hour ago!"

"I'm sorry."

"Save it. You're useless, I'll do it myself."

"Dan, please don't be angry with me again, I can't handle this." Phil lightly touched Dan's shoulder.

"Get the fuck off me, you useless piece of shit."

"Dan..."

"Fuck off, Phil!" He shouted, slamming his hands against the side.

* * *

** June 1st **

The last few weeks had been like clockwork for Dan and Phil, practically everyday Dan yelled at Phil, and Phil just took it. He always just bowed his head and apologised a lot, taking Dan's words like a knife in the chest. They always ended the day with Dan begging Phil to forgive him, then them cuddling on the sofa as if nothing had happened. Phil wasn't happy. Not that he'd tell anyone that, everyone was none the wiser to the fights Dan and Phil had been having.

"We need to get this video done, Dan," Phil sighed, setting the camera up in the guest room where they filmed their gaming video.

"I don't want too. You can't make me."

"You promised the fans it'd be up soon," Phil crossed his arms. "We can't let them down."

"You mean, I can't let them down, right?" He snarled, pushing himself up from the sofa.

"No, Dan. This channel is a joint effort, if we don't get the video done it's on both of us."

"Do a gaming video on your own or something. I don't feel like it."

Phil ran his nails lightly over his forehead, trying his hardest not to get angry. That never ends well. "Fine. We'll do it tomorrow then?"

"Whatever. I'm going out. I'll be back late, so just go to sleep or whatever." He pressed his lips lightly to Phil's cheek. "Night."

"I love you."

"You too," Dan grumbled as he walked out of their flat, his keys in hand.

Phil leant back against a wall, sighing heavily. It was awful but Phil couldn't help but feel relieved that Dan had left. He was pretty sure Dan was doing anything to push his buttons. Phil wasn't easy to wind up, but something about Dan's attitude of late. He rubbed the side of his face in frustration.

* * *

** June 2nd **

"Fucking smile, Phil," Dan growled.

Phil forced a smile at the camera. "Hey Dan and Phil games shower heads!"

"Shower heads? God you're a fucking freak."

"Seriously? You can't say things like that to me on camera, Dan."

"Why? Scared the fans will think less of you?"

"No. I'm scared they'll think less of you," he mumbled, keeping his eyes locked on the computer screen in front of them.

"Why would they think less of me?"

"Because you can't be a dick to me so badly on camera."

Dan balled his fists tightly beside him. "What did you call me?"

"I didn't call you anything, Dan," Phil said, eyeing Dan's fists warily.

"You called me a dick."

"I didn't." Phil backed away slightly, his bottom lip quivering.

"Yes you did, don't fucking lie to me."

"Dan, calm down, please," Phil begged, his eyes watering.

That's when it happened. Dan's fist connected with Phil's jaw, knocking him backwards off his chair where he hit his head hard against the floor. He stared up at Dan, tears streaming down his face.

"Phil..." Dan whispered, looking down at his fist, his own eyes watering.

Phil pushed himself to his feet, his hand clutching his jaw. "You- you hit me."

"I'm so sorry."

"I'll be in my room. Please, just leave me alone."

Phil switched the camera off, picked it up and took it to his room. He plugged the camera into his laptop, and transferred the small amount of video they'd made. It clearly wouldn't be usable, but he had to delete the evidence. The camera had clearly caught Dan hitting Phil, and Phil couldn't let that out to the world, not by accident and definitely not on purpose. He scanned through the short footage, wincing at the physical contact Dan had made with his face.

"Delete." _Are you sure you want to delete?_ "Yes." Phil hit the button before he had time to second think what he was doing. It was gone. Apart from the bruise that was bound to show up, there was no evidence Dan had harmed him. He couldn't let people know. It had to stay their secret.

* * *

"Dan? Can we talk?"

"Phil, go. You made me a promise, please keep your word."

"I'm not going anywhere, Dan. I pushed you to that. I insulted you. I forgive you."

"I'm not asking for forgiveness."

Phil pressed his lips to Dan's. "I love you, and I'm staying right here. Where I belong." He leant his forehead against Dan's.

"I love you too."

"We'll do the video tomorrow, okay?"

"Sure. I really am sorry, and it'll never happen again."

"I know it won't, Dan." Phil paused. "I trust you." Lie. He didn't trust Dan at all, but he loved him. He loved Dan more than anything in the world meaning he couldn't lose him.

* * *

** June 11th **

"Happy birthday, Dan!" Phil shouted, pushing pancakes in front of him, and grinning happily.

"Thank you, Philly. These smell amazing."

"Well eat up! We've got a day full of fun ahead of us!"

"You're such a dork, I love you."

"I love you too, birthday boy."

"You not eating?"

"Nah, not hungry."

"C'mon, you don't even want a small bite of your delicious pancakes?" Dan asked, waving his fork with a bit of pancake on it.

Phil eyed it, licking his lips. "Fine, maybe just a little."

Dan pushed his fork into Phil's open mouth.

"You're so cute," Dan said, smiling at his boyfriend.

"I make some great pancakes."

"That you do."

* * *

"So, where are we going?"

"It's a surprise."

"No where super romantic, right? You know, the fans."

"No. It's totally normal places, where if we run into fans it's no big deal."

"Thank you for understanding."

* * *

Dan and Phil spent the day wondering around London. Phil didn't really have anything in particular planned, he just knew he wanted to spend the day with Dan, and how that happened he didn't care.

"Want to go to Starbucks, then head home? I'm getting tired," Dan asked, leaning his head against Phil's shoulder for a split second.

"We could just go back home if you're tired? Settle down on the sofa and watch films?"

"Yeah, okay."

"Do we need to pick anything else up before we head home? Want to get some snacks or something?"

"As far as I'm aware we have lots of stuff at home."

"Okay then, let's go home."

* * *

"You grab the duvet, I'll get the snacks, meet at the sofa."

"Sure thing."

"Also pick a film to watch."

"See you in a few." Dan kissed Phil's lips softly. "Can we order pizza?"

"You read my mind."

After a couple of minutes of bustling around the house, Dan and Phil were curled up together on the sofa, popping popcorn in each others mouths, and simultaneously watching a film. Dan's head rested against Phil's chest, whilst Phil's arms held his waist tightly, almost as if he was scared Dan was going somewhere. Well, that's exactly what it was. Phil was happy. For the first time in months, he was happy. The Dan he'd spent the day with was the Dan he'd fallen in love with, he was scared that Dan was going somewhere, he was scared the nice, calm man from that day was going to disappear once again.

Phil was bought out of his thoughts when the door knocked.

"I'll get it," Phil said, sliding out from underneath Dan.

"My wallet is in my jacket."

"I'm paying, silly. It's your birthday after all."

"Are you sure? You've already spent so much money on me today."

Phil leant down to press a kiss on Dan's forehead. "I'm sure."

"Wasn't too expensive was it?" Dan asked when Phil rejoined in him in the living room.

He set the pizza on the coffee table. "Nope, it was all good."

* * *

 

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, dear Dan, happy birthday to you!" Phil sung as he carried the large chocolate cake to Dan.

"Oh wow, that looks amazing."

"It might not be very nice, I actually made it myself."

"You made me a cake?"

"Yeah. I mean, we have back-up cake in case it's gross."

"You're the best boyfriend in the world."

"Make a wish."

Dan closed his eyes, then blew out the candles. Phil clapped his hands, chuckling.

"What did you wish for?"

"If you tell you it won't come true."

Phil smiled. "Good. I want all of your dreams to come true."

"You're perfect. I love you, Phil Lester." Dan kissed Phil softly.

"I love you too. Now, cut the cake."

Dan removed the candles, laying them carefully on the table, then sliced the cake a few times. He took a slice for himself, and took a bite, wrinkling his nose.

"Oh god, Philly, what on earth did you do to this?"

"Is it that bad?" He took a bite of his own slice, spitting it out instantly. "It's awful," Phil concluded.

"At least you tried." Dan rested his head on Phil's shoulder. "Thank you for trying."

"I feel awful. I wanted this to be perfect."

"It has been. The entire day has been perfect."

"Really? You're not lying?"

"Of course I'm not." Dan looked down at the cake on a plate in front of him, then back to Phil with a smirk.

"What are you planning?"

"Oh, nothing..." He grabbed a slice of cake with his hands and smothered it into Phil's face.

Phil wiped the cake from his eyes, and mouth. "I can't believe you just did that!" He exclaimed, grabbing his own slice and repeating Dan's action on him.

Dan licked his lips. "This cake really is awful."

"You don't want more then?"

"No, why-" Dan was cut off by more cake being thrown at his face. "Philip Lester! How dare you!" Dan pounced on Phil, knocking him backwards onto the sofa. He pinned him down, grabbed handfuls of cake, each of which were pushed into a laughing Phil's face.

"Dan! I'm so going to get you back for this!" He shouted, trying to wiggle out from under Dan.

"How do you propose you're going to do that?"

"I'll lick you."

"Excuse me?" Phil stuck his tongue out and ran it up Dan's cake covered face. "Oh come on! That's disgusting!"

"I'll do it again."

Dan crossed his arms, and pouted. "You're so mean. It's my birthday!"

"And as it's your birthday, you deserve some actually edible birthday cake."

"Fine." Dan climbed off Phil's lap, and wiped his cake covered hands on his black jeans. "Will this come out?"

"Yeah, it's cake, Dan."

"Right."

Phil picked the reminents of the cake up from the coffee table. "Oh and one last thing."

"Yeah?"

"This is yours." Phil pushed the last of the cake against Dan's face, and watched it drop to the wooden flooring, his bottom lip between his teeth.

"I hate you."

"You love me."

"You're right." Dan pushed his cake covered lips against Phil's. "I really love you."

* * *

 Dan snuggled into Phil's side, the duvet pulled up to his chin. "Thanks for such an amazing birthday."

"Anything for you, Dan."

"No, really. I don't deserve any of this. I don't deserve you. You're too good for me."

"Dan, not tonight, okay? It's still your birthday, enjoy the last few hours."

"You have cake in your hair." He pulled a small piece of cake from Phil's black locks.

"I just had a shower, how on earth was that still in there?"

"You clearly missed it."

"Clearly."

"I'm so tired, Philly."

"Get some sleep then."

"Will you still be here when I wake up?"

"Of course I will."

"I love you."

"I love you more."

* * *

** August 14th **

For months everything had been perfect. Since Dan's birthday, there had not been one argument. Dan was always seen with a smile on his face, as was Phil. For the first time in a long time they were happy. Not only as a couple, but in general. They started everyday with a smile, and ended with one too. Dan would leave Phil cute little messages around the house, and Phil would return them. Dan was even slowly coming around to the idea of telling the fans they were together. Everything was perfect. But perfect doesn't last forever.

"Phil?" Dan walked into the kitchen, glaring in Phil's direction.

"Yeah?"

"What the fuck is this?" He asked, holding up a slip of paper.

"I don't know, what is it?"

"Why don't you come fucking closer to me and read it. You'll probably recognise the handwriting."

Phil gulped, suddenly he knew exactly what Dan was holding. "She's just some girl."

"Just some girl?"

"Yeah. She gave me her number when I was out with Zac the other night. I was meant to throw it away."

"You clearly had a good time with her. 'Philly, I had such a great night night, you're so funny! Call me 07516847237 - Jasmine'. Doesn't sound very innocent."

"It really was nothing. She just hung out with Zac and I. Nothing happened I swear."

"Then why did you not bring her up when you were telling me how it was?"

Phil shrugged. "I forgot I guess."

"You just forgot to mention the fact you were clearly flirting with some slut at a bar?"

"I wasn't flirting with her, Dan."

"Why don't you call her over?"

"Why?"

"For company. I'm going out. Don't wait up for me."

"Dan, please. Don't just walk out, we need to talk about this."

"Bye." Dan walked out of the flat, slamming the door behind him.

* * *

Phil rolled over in bed to see the time, _03:47_. Despite Dan telling him not to wait up, Phil couldn't sleep. Sure, he'd tried, but all he could think about was when Dan was going to walk through the door, say he was sorry, climb into the bed beside him and fall asleep, his head resting on Phil's chest.

"Where the hell is he?" Phil muttered to himself, sitting up. It was then the door slammed.

"Fuck," Phil heard someone, that wasn't Dan, groan.

"Shut up." That was Dan's voice.

Phil swung his legs from the bed, and padded out of his room. "Dan?"

"You woke him up, for fucksake," Dan mumbled to the guest he'd brought back.

"Woke who up?"

"Me. You woke me up. Dan's boyfriend," Phil snarled at the blonde haired boy who's mouth was attached the Dan's neck.

"You have a boyfriend?" He pushed away from Dan.

Dan glared at Phil. "Oh yeah. I guess I forgot to mention him."

"Are you fucking kidding me, Dan? I didn't even fucking touch Jasmine, we just had some conversations. You're such an arse!" Phil screamed, his face turning red.

"Screw this," the blonde said. He turned to Phil. "I'm so sorry, I had no idea."

"Whatever, just get out."

The blonde took off out of the apartment.

"You just lost me a quick fuck," Dan said, stalking towards Phil, who backed away slowly.

"You have a fucking boyfriend, Dan."

"Yeah, a cheating boyfriend."

"I'm allowed to talk to other people, Dan. I'm gay for fuck sake, I'm not interested in any girl, or other guys, for that matter."

The next few seconds were a blur for Phil. One minute he was standing up, the next he was lying on the floor blood gushing from his nose, and his lip bleeding. Dan stood over him, breathing heavily. His hands covered over his mouth as he tried to hold back sobs.

"Phil, I'm so sorry."

Cold tears ran down Phil's already bruising face. "Please, get away from me," Phil cried, holding his hands up.

"Phil, please? Don't hate me."

Phil choked on a sob. "I - I just need to be alone right now."

"At least let me help you up." Dan took a step towards Phil.

"No! I can stand."

* * *

** August 15th **

Phil woke the next morning sore all over. From his toes to the very top of his head. He was dreading looking in the mirror that morning, afraid of what he'd see. He lightly ran his fingers over the lip Dan had split, wincing at the stinging pain. Part of Phil didn't even want to get out of bed, he wanted to stay there and away from Dan all day. He knew the minute he got up, Dan would be right there waiting to apologise. He also knew that Dan was tell him to leave, just like they'd agree the very first time Phil had thought Dan was going to hit him. Phil was brought out of his thoughts by his phone vibrating on the bedside table.

"Hello?"

_"Hey, Phil."_

"Zac. How are you?"

_"I'm good, you?"_

"Fine," he lied, once again running his fingers over his lip.

_"Are you Sure?"_

"Positive."

_"Good. Want to come over? I had a date but she cancelled."_

"I'd love too. Just me, yeah?"

_"Unless you wanna bring Dan along."_

"No."

_"Is everything okay?"_

"Everything is perfect. I'll see you in an hour."

_"Alright. Bye."_

* * *

"Where are you going?"

"To Zac's. I'll be back later. I'll bring some Chinese back. I love you." Phil kissed Dan's cheek.

"We have to talk about last night, Phil. Look at your face."

"What do you wanna say about it, Dan?"

"What are you going to say about it? You're going to Zac's, he's clearly going to have questions."

"Do you just want me to stay home? We can watch a movie, settle down on the sofa?"

"No. I want you to have fun. But what are you going to tell him?"

"Nothing. If he asks, I'll tell him I was mugged."

"You can't do that."

"What the fuck do you want me to say, Dan? 'Oh yeah just my boyfriend beat me up last night, no big deal'?" Phil raised his voice, tears in his eyes.

"Well, no. Oh god this is so fucked up."

"I won't tell him anything, Dan. It stays between us."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

* * *

"What the fuck happened to your face?" Zac asked.

"I got mugged. It's no big deal."

"No big deal? You're badly bruised. When did it happen?"

"On the way here."

"Bullshit. These bruises are at least twelve hours old."

"I was mugged, okay?"

"Phil, what are you not telling me?"

"There's nothing I'm not telling you. I'm fine," Phil said, but his tears betrayed him. Zac pulled him into his chest, and rubbed his back soothingly.

"Phil, tell me what really happened."

"I was mugged. That's what really happened."

"Did Dan do this to you? Did he hurt you?"

"No. Of course not, he's lovely."

"If I find out you're lying, I'll kill him. I swear to God, I'll kill him."

"I'm not lying. Dan didn't touch me."

"I really wish I could believe you."

* * *

"I'm home," Phil called as he closed the front door.

"I'm in the living room."

Phil carried the bags of Chinese food into the front room. Dan was sat on the couch, his laptop resting on his legs.

"Good day?"

"It was alright, Tumblr's a bit boring today. That smells amazing by the way."

"I'll get some plates."

The rest of the evening was spent with the men eating Chinese in an uncomfortable silence, not once mentioning the purple bruises that littered over Phil's face.

* * *

**November 1st**

It had all got worse. Sure, Dan hadn't actually physically harmed Phil since that last time, but the emotional abuse was worse than ever. He couldn't seem to go a minute without saying something along the lines of 'you're worthless' 'fat' 'ugly' to Phil. Dan didn't actually believe those things, he actually thought Phil was the most gorgeous person in the entire world, but for some reason he couldn't seem to get those thoughts out to Phil.

"Want to watch a film?" Phil asked in a quiet voice.

"With you? No thanks."

"I just want to spend some time with you. I feel like you're never around any more."

"Don't talk back to me, Phil. Just go away."

"No. Not until you talk to me like an actual human being. I'm not a piece of dirt on the bottom of your shoe."

"Don't fucking push me."

"I'm not trying to push you. I just want my boyfriend back."

"Your boyfriend is right here."

"No he's not. You're not the person I fell in love with all those years ago. You're in imposter."

"I'm fucking Dan Howell. I'm sorry if I got sick of putting up with your bullshit all the time."

"I do nothing to you."

"You exist."

"Why don't we just break up then? If I'm that much of a bother to you?"

"I love you."

"Do you?"

"Are you questioning me?" Dan was right in front of Phil by this point, his fists clenched at his sides.

Phil looked down at them warily. "No."

"Good." One punch. "I didn't think so." Two punches. "Say it back." Three punches.

Phil cowered on the floor. "I- I love you too."

Dan smiled down at him. "Yay. Now that's settled, let's watch that film."

* * *

Dan looked down at the sleeping man beside him. He looked at the bruised on his face, his split lips. He looked broken. Even in his dreams he had a frown etched across his face.

"I'm so sorry, Phil," Dan whispered. It was only just settling in what he'd done. He'd broken Phil. His Phil. His first best friend. The person that had saved him when he was just eighteen. He'd been Phil's undoing, and there was nothing he could do to make it better. Except leave.

He shook Phil lightly, making sure not to touch any of the bruises.

"Please don't hurt me."

"I'm not going to, but we do need to talk."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Can I go back to sleep now?"

"No. We really need to talk about things."

"What's there to talk about? You apologised, let's move on."

"I'm going away for a while. My stress levels are higher than they should be, I'm not coping. I need to get away for a while. Are you going to be okay here by yourself for a few weeks?"

"I don't want you to go." Lie.

"I have to, Philly. I'll see you so soon though. I leave in the morning."

"So we only have tonight?"

"I guess so."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

* * *

** November 10th **

It'd been just over a week since Dan had left, and Phil was smiling again. He actually woke up excited to go about his day. The only thing that ever brought him down was the mindset that Dan would be home soon, and he'd go back to frowning and dreading getting up in the mornings.

Phil sat alone on the sofa. For the first time, he was researching abusive relationships. He knew what he and Dan had wasn't normal. He knew there was so much wrong with his relationship. He needed to learn how to tell people, and the easiest way to get out of one.

Reading through other people's experiences with this sort of stuff broke his heart. Every single person sounded broken, like feelings were just too much, and Phil hated how much he could relate to them. Dan made him feel like nothing. He made him feel just like all he was was some dirt on the bottom of his shoe. 

* * *

**November 16th**

Phil sat down on the sofa, pen in hand. He was leant over a piece of paper, thinking hard about what to write. Dan would be home tomorrow and he needed to say goodbye without seeing him. Phil knew if he saw Dan all his courage to leave would disappear and once again he'd be stuck. He needed out, and he needed out now. He was lucky, after he told Zac everything, he'd offered Phil his spare bedroom for as long as he needed, as long as Phil got out of the trouble he was in. He had a place to stay. His bags were packed. He was ready to leave. It was only the letter to go. It seemed to be the hardest part. How do you say goodbye to someone you love more than anything?

* * *

After hours of pacing around the house, he had it.

* * *

**November 17th**

"I'm home!" Dan called, wheeling his suitcase into the house. "Phil? I brought us some food!"

Dan searched around the house, but nothing. He opened the door to Phil's bedroom, and gasped. Almost everything was gone. Everything that made the room Phil's was gone. Dan stepped further inside. On the bed was a piece of paper. Dan picked it up, and began to read the letter.

_Dear Dan,_

_I love you. I just wanted to start this letter off with that. I really do love you. But I love me too, that's why I need to do this. I need to leave so I can be happy again. These past two weeks have been the happiest two weeks of my life, I haven't had to worry about being beaten, or insulted. It's been lovely, and it's helped me realise that I don't deserve what you do to me. It's not normal. It never was._

_You're not the same person I fell in love with, Dan. I don't know what happened to you, but you're different. You were never really violent, or insulting. I wish I could help you. I wish I could make whatever pain you've been feeling go away, but I can't. I need to help myself. I need to let myself heal and be okay again._

_This letter has been almost impossible to write. I never realised how hard saying goodbye was going to be. It's been a great seven years, Dan. I'll never forget the time we had together. From the late night Skype calls, to the meeting each other that first time. They'll forever be my most treasured memories, and it breaks my heart that we won't be able to make more. It breaks my heart that you broke me. You beat me down till I felt like nothing._

_Please don't come looking for me. Please, just let me move on without you. Let me heal. I told Zac everything. He's made me promise that if you come near me again, that I'll report it to the police. I have proof, Dan. So I beg, just leave me alone. I'll figure out something to tell our fans._

_I love you._

_Phil._

There were tear marks across the page, some of which were Dan's and some of which were dry and clearly Phil's.

"Good boy," Dan mumbled to himself as he stroked his fingers across the page. "I'm proud of you."

* * *

** *5 Years Later* **

Phil walked hand in hand with his boyfriend down the streets of London.

"Where are we going then?" Phil asked.

"Starbucks. Where we first met," Jamie, Phil's boyfriend, answered.

"Sentimental are we?" Phil joked.

"Well, it has been four years since we met."

"Since the day you made me properly smile for the first time in a long time."

"Exactly."

By now, the fans were all well aware that Dan and Phil were no longer friends. They didn't know why, but they didn't need to. That was between Dan, Phil, Zac and Jamie. Dan hasn't contacted Phil since he left. He accepted Phil's wishes and let him be. He let him grow to trust again, and even to love again. He was happy. Well and truly happy. He still had an amazing YouTube career, an amazing boyfriend, and amazing friends.

* * *

Phil and Jamie sat opposite each other in the exact booth Phil was sat in when Jamie had gathered the courage to speak to the man he'd been staring at day in day out. He'd just walked over and began talking to the black-haired man.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Jamie clambered out of his seat. "I know it's not extravagant or even really a nice location, but it's where we first met, so it's my favourite place."

"Huh?"

He knelt down in front of Phil, and took his hands in his own. "Phil Lester, I love you. I love the way your tongue pokes out of your mouth when you're really happy. I love when you where your glasses, and when you don't. I love your morning hair. I love your morning voice. I just love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Phil looked down at him, tears in his eyes.

"So, Phil Lester, will you marry me?"

"Are you kidding? Of course I will!"

The whole of Starbucks broke out into cheers as Phil launched himself into his boyfriend's arms, and kissed his face all over.

No one noticed the brown-haired man in the corner, silent tears running down his face as he watched the man he stupidly lost, get engaged to another man. No one noticed as he drank his coffee quietly, wondering just what would of happened if he'd gotten the help he needed sooner. As sad as he was though, he was happy to see the man he'd always loved smile. God, he'd missed that smile.

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I just want to put a bit of insight as to why I wrote this. I have read way too many fics about abuse between Dan and Phil, where they live happily ever after, and very little makes me more angry than that. Being 'in love' does NOT ever make abuse 'okay'. Ever. Physical and/or emotional abuse should never be made romantic. Hense, Dan ending up alone, and Phil being happy with someone else.


End file.
